


You're Not A Wreck

by onefootintheboilinghotlava



Series: You're Not A Wreck [2]
Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 16:43:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7853047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onefootintheboilinghotlava/pseuds/onefootintheboilinghotlava
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘How would you know what I need? You haven’t gone through someone like Camille leaving you!’ Magnus slurred, leaning closer to the ground.<br/>‘Then you tell me what you need, smartass. I am just trying to help you.’<br/>‘Alexan’er there is no helping me because I’m just drowning anyway…’<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Not A Wreck

**Author's Note:**

> So basically they are roommates and in college? I suck at tagging and giving summary, so forgive me if everything's not clear right away, but I promise you you will know what's happening in due time? (Okay leaving you to the fic now)

‘How much have you drunk?’ The question was out of Alec’s mouth before he actually reached the sitting room, knowing the scene he would take in once he opened the door and crossed the threshold.

  
Magnus waved briefly towards the space between the coffee-table and the couch. There were about a dozen bottles, some beer and some wine. Alec winced at the bottles and looked back at the whiskey bottle Magnus was holding.

  
‘Hey, give it to me. That is quite enough alcohol for you in one night. You don’t need that much.’

  
‘How would you know what I need? You haven’t gone through someone like Camille leaving you!’ Magnus slurred, leaning closer to the ground.

  
‘Then you tell me what you need, smart-ass. I am just trying to help you.’

  
‘Alexan’er there is no helping me because I’m just drowning anyway…’

  
‘Then I don’t want you to drown, Magnus. Please, you deserve so much better than being dumped like this…deserve better than drowning yourself in alcohol and shit…’

  
‘My dear little Alexan’er, there is never any deserving in this world…When value is decided by another person, you got no choice but to accept what comes from them…Camille decided that I am not worth it, so let me be. I am worthless.’

  
‘Magnus! You are definitely not worthless! Just……let me help, tell me what you need……’

  
‘What I need? I need someone who would kiss me like I matter, I need someone who would hold my hands, who would hold me…… Camille might fight with me or whatsoever, yet she also had sex in the toughest way and it hurt but it felt so good……’

  
Alec definitely did not need any reminder of the sex Magnus had with Camille, but he could kind of understand what Magnus meant.

  
‘Is that what you need now? For Camille to hold you, kiss you and have sex with you?’

  
‘Alexan’er you asked me what I need and this is my answer, someone who hold me enough to make me feel it, feel that I matter…See? That’s why there is no stopping me from drowning because no one would care enough after her.’

  
‘I care about you, Magnus…’

  
‘Yeah as a freaking friend and frankly, that is not enough….I mean, you know? People need anchors, need someone to go through life with, or maybe not people but just me…… Yeah sure I won’t die because my friends care for me and all that crap, but there is no stopping me from falling further down into the pit whatsoever…’

  
‘I care about you more than a friend.’ Alec whispered.

  
‘Huh?’

  
‘If you want, Magnus…I care about you more than a friend…’

  
‘Don’t tease me Alexan’er, you said you so yourself that you are helping me because you’re just my friend. Don’t lie to me and think this is what I need.’

  
‘I am not lying Magnus, I do care about you in ways that are more than just friends. Please…I don’t know what more can I do to make you feel better…’

  
‘Alec, I just wanna drown in this, let me do this……’

  
‘I would, if this has only been happening for a week or two, but Magnus it has been over a month! You can mourn, you can take your time to move on, but Camille fucking cheated on you and then dumped you, okay? I have seen you and I KNOW you, you don’t deserve living a shorter life with all the alcohol you are consuming because of her. Tell me what you need, so you will make it out of this…whatever this is, okay?’

  
‘Fine, Alexan’er you asked. I need someone to cradle me and sooth me in their arms and keep telling me it’ll be alright, someone to stay there because it’s me, telling me I’m worth it however much I insist on not believing it. Worst is that I cannot promise to do the same because I am too weak, too vulnerable after everything…’

Magnus’ voice grew smaller with every word he said, his body slumping down to the floor, almost lying on it when he finished. Alec could see his tears swelling up his eyes once more. Different from the sobbing and wailing before, the tears were like pearls that had been trapped inside the shells for too long. It would not pour out in any way, it slowly dripped down, slowing everything down. Alec stared into Magnus’ eyes and finally saw the brokenness and vulnerability Magnus had been trying to hide with drowning himself in alcohol. It did not break Alec’s heart, it wrenched it. He could feel his own heart hurting, almost physically from seeing Magnus taking in how much pain and self-loathing he had taken in even before Camille broke him. He knew what he was about to do would be reckless and tarnish whatever friendship he had with Magnus, but if Alec Lightwood was anything, he would be the one who fight the most fiercely for whoever he deemed worthwhile. And so he would do anything for Magnus, even if it meant Magnus would hate him or disgusted with him afterwards. Alec kneeled down beside Magnus and picked him up.

‘Alec, what are you doin’…’ Magnus being half-conscious of what was happening. It seemed that final confession had drained him of all his energy and his tiredness was finally setting in, drawing him to sleep, or just unconsciousness for a few hours.

  
‘You said you need someone to care for you beyond a friend, so this is what I am gonna do tonight and until you would push me away on your own.’ Alec carried him to his own bedroom and laid him down, since Magnus’ room was basically filled with empty bottles and dirty clothes ever since Camille left. Alec kissed lightly on Magnus’ forehead after he laid him down on his bed.

‘Alexan’er…’ A half-asleep Magnus was gesturing, getting tangled with the blanket when the hint of question could still be heard by Alec.

‘I am gonna get a washcloth and cleaned you up a little before tucking you in.’ Alec would grin at the sight of a sleepy Magnus on his own bed, if not for the circumstances that put them at such position. Anyhow, if what Magnus need was someone to care for him the most, Alec would be that person for just as long as Magnus needed him to be. After all, he had been in love with Magnus before he realized it. Alec felt a twisted sense of peace, knowing that his chances with Magnus would probably be destroyed after whatever this might turn out, yet his peace came from knowing what exactly he could do for Magnus. His mind could settle a little, knowing where he would be heading with Magnus, however sad he might be afterwards.

He got the washcloth and carefully swept it over Magnus’ face. It woke up Magnus a little.

  
‘Alec…..’ He slurred and furrowed his brows, obviously still in a drunken haze. Alec climbed into the bed and carefully pulled the blanket over both himself and Magnus. His hands cradled Magnus’ skull before going over his back in a soothing gesture and stopped at his waist, positioning Magnus’ head onto his own chest.

  
‘Just sleep, Magnus. I’ll just be here with you.’ Alec held Magnus tight around his arms, staring at his features until he could hear the light snoring from him. Then he kissed his forehead, his cheeks and chin, anywhere but his lips. He smiled before he fell asleep as well, glad that he could hold Magnus even just for once and that he could pretend they were both fine and alright.

Sunlight shone through the blinds in the room. Magnus could feel the light without opening his eyes, along with the familiar headache that he had been having every morning since Camille left him. As if his hands were on autopilot, he reached to the bedside table and found the mug of water waiting for him. Only by then he noticed that his movement was restrained by something, well someone else. He realized he was basically being spooned by Alec, that their legs tangled underneath the blanket. Since his head was still hurting with the headache, Magnus reached the mug with minimal movements and took a sip, before he leaned back into Alec’s embrace and tried to figure out what had caused them to be in such position. Though glimpses of his own drunkenness, Alec’s coming back and his own confession came back to him, he was still having a hard time remembering in detail of what Alec had said back to him. (What Magnus did not notice was that, for once since Camille left him, his first thought from waking up was not self-loathing or mourning over how no one would ever care for him that much ever again.) The hands that held him tightened and he could feel Alec’s breathe on his ears, whispering something ‘it’s too earr….y…’ For one moment, it felt like Alec kissed neck before Magnus realized he had fallen back to sleep. Magnus’ mind drifted back into unconsciousness in the midst of wondering how Alec and him had ended up in such position.

It was not until a few hours later that Alec was finally awake. The familiar scent of sandalwood and alcohol gave him all the reminder he needed of what happened the night prior. Hearing the light snoring that came from Magnus gave Alec assurance that he could still enjoy a few moments of such peace with Magnus, before he had to make himself ready to face whatever response would come from Magnus. Looking down at Magnus under the sun beams through the curtains, it seemed after a night of sound sleep, his brows no longer furrow, his eyes smoothed out though the black shade still haunted around his eyes. Alec wished that Magnus could always sleep like this and wake up to be the same as well. He was too deep into his thought that he totally missed the moment Magnus blinked open his eyes.

  
‘Alexander…’ The half-awake Magnus was too adorable for Alec to resist kissing his forehead.

  
‘Good morning, Magnus.’ He knew he’d better start off the discussion of what happened last night, instead of holding the conversation off. Instead of giving a response, Magnus just kept staring at him.

  
‘How much do you remember from last night?’ Alec whispered, afraid to be too loud that might cause Magnus’ head ache any further from the hangover.

  
It took Magnus almost a minute to remember that he had been awake a while ago and more memories of what happened last night came back to him.

  
‘I…remember…’ Magnus was rendered speechless with everything that was coming back to his mind. He was not surprised with his own outburst to Alec, what he could not wrap his still hungover mind around was what Alec had replied and done for him afterwards. It did not help that at this moment, he was wrapped tight and warm in Alexander’s arms that seemed to prevent his mind from all the self-loathing and sorrow he had been drowning in. He found himself unable to form any coherent or sensible response with Alec still looking at him like he was afraid Magnus would break at any second, which should have been funny because Magnus thought he was broken way beyond repair already.

  
‘I need a few moments…let me go, Alec.’ Magnus said as he turned his head away from Alec’s gaze. He was awake enough by then to know that he would not form any thought coherent when Alec’s embracing him like he was securing him, like he cared for him as the most precious thing ever. Magnus sat up and left the bed, only looking back at Alec once more, before he walked out of Alec’s room and into the bathroom right opposite and closed the door. Alec’s gaze lingered a moment on the way Magnus had disappeared into the bathroom. He did not know how Magnus was going to react but the calmness from knowing that he’d do anything for Magnus, just to get him back on his feet stayed with him. Without much pondering, Alec changed out of boxers and shirt, putting on the comfy t-shirt and pants. (After taking care of Magnus last night, he only had half a mind to change out of his clothes and put on the minimal decent sleepwear when there’d be another human being in his bed.) Alec walked out of his room, hearing the sound of running water in the bathroom and knowing that Magnus would probably in there for a while. He brushed his teeth at the kitchen’s sink, and proceeded to prepare some breakfast. Bacon and eggs were the obvious choice to help with Magnus’ hangover headache. Alec also brewed more coffee than usual, knowing that both of them would be in desperate need of it.

Meanwhile, Magnus’ mind was spinning a hundred miles a second in the bathroom. He took off his clothes and stepped into the shower on autopilot. Hot water sprang onto his body, releasing all the strains and pressure from the night before. Yet Magnus still felt cold and numb on the inside, his mind spinning as if his headache was back in full force. All the self-loathing and lack of self-worth still fresh in his mind, without the effect of alcohol and with the need to be conscious with a reason, he knew that it was not just Camille that broke him. Camille leaving him broke the final straw, but there was still how his mother abandoned him, how his father despised him from childhood, as nothing he did was worthy of their attention, to make them stay with him. He did kind acts only because he wished no one else would hurt as hard as he was, or at least he would not be the very cause of it. Camille’ leaving made him see that even if he thought he got the love he wanted was just another illusion, another reminder that he was not worth it. He knew better than anyone that all things he did was to earn, gain recognition, attention and the good impression of others, just so he could live on the illusion that at least he was worth something, for however short it might be.

  
He could deal with his big drunk confession from the night before. He had known for a while that he had a soft spot for Alec Lightwood, the quiet and most loving brother to his siblings, always the caretaker among his friends and loved ones. There were a few times that Magnus had thought if he was not with Camille, he might have fallen for Alec. He knew in his drunken mind, Alec Lightwood being the one he made such a confession to was no surprise. He could have strike back up the facade and continue to drown his days and nights in mourning in Camille after that. However, the one thing he could never imagine happening yet clearly recalled happening the night prior, was for Alec to be so willing to admit he cared for Magnus more than a friend would, for him to so willingly give whatever Magnus had claimed he needed. The one thing, love of such kind, that Magnus so craved since the moment he realized his parents did not care enough to stay for him. A part of him wanted to dive back into Alec’s embrace and stay there for however long Alec would let him. Yet the larger part of him wanted to be mad, he had spent days, months and years knowing that he was not worth it, refused to believe that with so little time, he would suddenly be worthwhile. Moreover, he knew how much of a mess he was. Even though Alec had said it out loud that he did fall for him in the most non-platonic sense, he was afraid that once Alec got to see the real mess inside Magnus, he would turn and run away. There was just no way Alec would care, not even love, him enough to embrace the worst of his mess in his mind.

Suddenly, some strong knocking woke Magnus from his thoughts.

  
‘Magnus, you alright in there?’ Obviously, Magnus lost track of time with all his thoughts and wasn’t it just so wonderful that Alec would get worried.

  
‘Just one moment.’ Magnus replied. It was only then he realized he forgot to bring his clothes with him, while he was just getting away from Alec’s embrace.

  
‘I put your clothes on the doorknob, I…will be in the kitchen.’ With that, Magnus could hear the light footsteps walking away from the bathroom’s door. He opened a little of the door and grabbed the clothes Alec had for him. His heart just couldn’t bear it, every single kind act from Alec just made his heart hurt more. He could not comprehend why Alec would still be there.

He walked into the sitting room, seeing Alec flipping pancakes in the open kitchen and the perfect setting of two plates and forks and knives on the table, he could not hold it in anymore.  
‘Alec, why the fuck are you doing this?’ Magnus asked forcefully, half-conscious that he was about to pick a fight.

  
It startled Alec out of his pancake-making process, but it did not surprise him. He turned around, ignoring the pancake that got dropped onto the floor.

  
‘Why am I doing what, Magnus?’ He asked back calmly.

  
‘Cooking me breakfast? For one! Letting me sleep with you? Cuddling the hell out of me as well?! I remember what you said last night, I remember what I told you last night! Why would you be willing to do such thing? That was just drunk me being clingy!’

  
‘Sure, you might be drunk when you said all those things, but I was not. And I stand by what I said, Magnus. I’d do anything for you, at least to keep you from drowning like this.’

  
‘I am NOT worth it! Don’t you see? You know Camille dumped me. Moreover, you SEE how easily broken I am! You know my poor performance last semester was all because of Camille! I wasn’t even nice to you when we met as roommates! I didn’t cut out on the partying and drinking and everything that you just hate! So Alexander, there is NO way in hell that you’re still caring about me!’

  
‘No, Magnus. I don’t see that you are not worth it, okay? It’s Camille who dumped you, anyone who has no reaction to someone breaking up with them would be a fucking moron. You cut off on the parties and drinking AFTER I told you I need space and quietness from time to time. You take in my siblings without a fuss the whole summer. You hang out with Izzy, just so she’d have someone to go shopping with. You tolerated Jace, just because he’s my brother, even though you two just can’t stop snarking at each other. You bought Max’ favourite comics for when he came around, just because you care for him. And this is how I see you, you care so damn much and you let people affect you. So no, I don’t see your “poor” performances because of Camille as a failure. I have never and will never hate you, because I find in you everything so kind and caring that I couldn’t help but fall for you!’

  
‘Then you don’t know me! You don’t know who I used to be, what I did and how I hurt people, okay? So no! When I tell you myself I am not worth it, don’t try to argue with me. You don’t know me as well as I do!’

  
‘Then I want to know, I want to find out. I want to stay beside you, Magnus. I don’t want to fight with you. You can hate me, you can despise me or anything. Right now, just please let me stay here with you, okay? Bring you food, water, pick out books or movies to read or watch? I just want to be there until you can get back on your feet. I don’t know if you wanna bolt right now or lock yourself up in your own room, or just to run away from me, but for the fact that we are friends, please eat some breakfast before you go do any of those things.’ Alec resigned, while Magnus seemed to be finding the right response to him.

  
He knew Magnus would fight him on this. From his years of dealing with Izzy’s ‘secretly crying after her boyfriends but doesn’t want anyone to know how much she actually cared’, he knew it was no good to keep arguing with Magnus under such circumstances.

  
Just when Alec was about to pick up the pancake and went on to make more, Magnus spoke.

  
‘What makes you think I will listen to you or do any of those things?’

  
‘Magnus, we’ve been roommates for two years, okay? Even if I don’t know enough about you, I’ve seen both Jace and Izzy being sad or dumped, I could hazard a guess or two. Even if you aren’t gonna do any of those, fine. At least food is essential enough for anyone? Please, just pretty please, Magnus……’

  
Magnus couldn’t form any coherent thought in front of this amazingly considerate and kind boy. With every thought of how he himself was not worthwhile of any kindness others show him, he could not fathom how Alec would still be standing there, cooking him breakfast and responding to Magnus’ outburst in such calm manner. He knew he would not be able to think straight (not that he ever was) with Alec in his presence, thus he could only listen to what Alec suggested and plan on running to Ragnor’s place afterwards. Magnus turned to the coffeemaker and poured Alec and himself some coffee, leaving Alec’s black while adding sugar and milk to his own. He held the two mugs and put them down on the table, just as Alec placed the syrup and chocolate paste beside the stake of pancakes. The two ate in silence.

  
After Magnus took in the final bite of the last pancake, Alec stood up right away and was gonna tidy up the utensils but he was too slow. Magnus had stacked his plate onto Alec’s and picked up the utensils in one smooth go. He looked up to Magnus, who only stared right back at him and said.

  
‘You cooked, I’ll wash up. You go take your shower. I will handle this.’ Alec saw in Magnus’ eyes a glimpse of the calm and determination that used to be there.

  
‘Yeah, okay. Thanks Magnus.’ With that, Alec headed off to the bathroom. Thus, he did not see Magnus’ mouth opened behind him and closed again as Alec walked further away from the table.  
By the time Alec finished his shower and walked out of the bathroom, he could not see any hint of Magnus being in the flat. However, there was a note on the table.

 _Dear Alexander,_  
_I’ll be at Ragnor’s, not sure when I’ll be back. Don’t wait up or anything._  
_~~L~~_  
_~~Yo~~ _  
_Magnus_

Staring at the note, Alec sat on the chair and sighed.

 

 

A few streets down, Magnus was pacing in Ragnor’s place.

  
‘I mean, like how am I supposed to react? That perfect boy saying everything I ever wanted to hear at a time where I am just rubbish and a total jerk or just a wreck. I mean how does such human being even exist in the first place? Also who would ever think that without Camille I could still design and draw up amazing art and shit? She’s this vibrant mix of colours and crazy ideas that I’d never ever think of! And then he fucking cooked my breakfast?! Letting me sleep with him and cuddle the hell out of me!WHO DOES THAT?!’

  
‘MAGNUS BANE! You bang into my place at ass o’ clock in the morning and then just started to pace and talk to yourself. Either you fucking tell me what happened that finally pushed you out of your room and sinking in a bunch of alcohol, or I’m gonna call that annoying roommate of yours and have him take you back to your place!’ Ragnor could not wait any longer to give his response.

  
Hearing that, Magnus finally sat down on the couch and curled himself up against one of Ragnor’s blood red cushion.

  
‘Alec. Alec’s the problem.’

  
‘Magnus Bane, saying your annoying roommate’s name is NOT helping me to understand what’s going on. Last I knew, I was just gonna wait until it’s a month to go to your place and start to drag you back up from the mess of Camille leaving you. So talk now, or else I’m not making tea for you.’

  
‘Fine, Ragnor, I will talk. Just go make tea now……’ Magnus stuffed his head into the cushion, not looking up to Ragnor, who was muttering curses under his breath as he picked out some tea from the cupboard.  
  
After the tea was set and Ragnor sitting down opposite to Magnus, he finally started describing what happened between Alec and him. Ragnor started from wearing a scowl on his face, yet it turned into a more serious expression when Magnus told Alec had confessed of his feelings to him.

  
‘Now I can’t even stay at my own place, because as long as he is around, my mind just wouldn’t function at all!’ Magnus muttered as he finished recounting the events.

  
‘Have I been hearing you right? This guy got you out of your “Camille-induced” drowning, telling you things that you needed to hear a thousand years ago and you’re here complaining about the guy? What exactly is the problem now? You like him anyway, and now he told you he likes you, so go ride on a pony and gallop to the sunset. This is the kind of person you deserve, Magnus. I am personally graced maybe a few more years on this earth now that such person exists in the same world as you do, my dear friend.’

  
‘Don’t you see how this all are problems? I just broke up with Camille!’

  
‘So what? People get into new relationship even just a day after their last. And you have been “mourning” for over a month. Besides, it is Camille, the rest of the world would only be glad that you are finally out of her little game. Everyone knows how much of a bitch she is. This guy comes along and is basically everything you ever dreamt of, so I say go for it, Magnus. For once in your life, start believing you’re worth it.’  
  
Magnus stood up from the couch, as if his own confusion and frustration could no longer be held down sitting peacefully anymore.

  
‘How do you not see where the problem lies, Ragnor! He deserves more than that! I don’t want to fall right into his arms because he’s there when I’m in the worst place. I don’t want to love him just because for a day or two, everything he did was everything I dreamt of! He deserves better than this. He deserves someone to fall in love properly with him, to see his every flaw and perfection and still be amazed. He deserves someone who care for his siblings as much he does for them. He deserves someone who share the same interest and could talk about it overnight. He deserves someone who could blend in with his family and maybe accepted by his parents as well. And the obvious here being I am NOWHERE near a place where I could provide all these for him. Alexander deserves so much better than a wreck like me! All I’d ever have is shit ton of self-esteem issues, flowery words and sparkly outfits and that’s so not what Alexander actually wants or needs.’ By the end of his proclamation, Magnus was in tears.

  
Ragnor, after hearing Magnus’ outburst, picked up his tea cup and took a sip. He looked calmer than ever since Magnus walked through the door.

  
‘Ah so there it is. The exact reason that brought you to my place, though still not all of it. Well, at least now we can get to the more practical part of our meeting.’ Ragnor stood up and lightly shoved Magnus back onto the couch.  
  
‘Now my dear, it’s your turn to listen to me. Which I suspect was your initial and maybe unaware goal of coming to my place.’

  
‘No, I was only coming for the tea and space to sulk…And hoping that you are at least better than Caterina or Raphael.’ Magnus muttered under his breath.

  
‘My dear sparkly friend, as glad as I am that you still consider me better than the two of them, I am still telling you what you don’t wanna hear but should probably listen to anyway. We both know that deserving has never been an appropriate standard when it comes to love. I saw you through the tragedies with your parents and you saw me through losses of good friends. We both know deserving has nothing to do with what we end up with in real life. No matter how deserving you think this Alec boy is, if you care for him, and as a matter of fact you do, you should be asking what he most desired. Don’t even argue with me that you don’t care for him enough, or else I am pretty sure it was a ghost or nightmare of mine to hear some rants about how this Alec boy deserves someone like this and that in the past minutes.’ Ragnor fixed his gaze on Magnus. Magnus eventually looked up and returned his gaze, gave him a broken smile.

  
‘Ragnor, not even I can deal with myself, how can I ever expect Alec to do so…… It is not his burden to take on, under any circumstances……It doesn’t matter how much I wish I could fall in love him, I couldn’t…Not now…’  
  
With that, Magnus dropped his gaze back onto the floor. Ragnor sat down beside Magnus.  
  
‘I know how much you hate yourself, hate how broken you are, but look at Raphael. Where would he be now, if not for you? Look at Caterina and me, we didn’t become your friends because all that you are is a wreck. Despite how broken you think you are, you still shine. Like the Alec boy told you, you do care for his siblings, even if they weren’t your friends from the get-go. It was not up to you to decide whether Alec falls in love with you or not. It was his choice and he was brave enough to choose to stick with it. If you think he deserves better, then I am telling you he at least deserves to know why do you think you don’t deserve him.’

  
‘What if he ends up leaving after I tell him everything? I could stand having him just as a friend, but I can’t afford to have him leaving me……’ Magnus put his head in his hands.

  
‘Just talk to him, okay? If he is how you described to me, he would stay. If he doesn’t, I can always come afterwards with Raphael along and give him the death glare or something.’

  
‘Funny how I don’t see you offering to do the same to Camille.’ Magnus managed to crack a smile with Ragnor’s poor attempt on lightening the conversation.

  
‘Hey we were still focusing on how to drag you back to life, instead of thinking about revenge. And honestly if not for this Alec boy, even if we dragged Camille’s corpse in front of you, you’d just drown further anyhow. Anyway, I have a meeting to go to. Make yourself home, you know where the tea, chocolate, colour pencils and all sorts of supplies are. Just head back to your apartment and fucking talk with the Alec boy soon. You’d better be gone from my place by the time I come back.’

  
With that, Ragnor walked back into his room and left Magnus alone. Magnus laid back on the couch, hugging the blood red cushion and thinking on everything.

 

 

With Magnus gone, Alec’s mind went insane once more. All the thoughts became a cluster in his brain and he didn’t even know where to start sorting it out. Somehow, he only managed to text Simon with ‘Wanna chill? Mind fucked up.’ At least his mind had enough brain cells left to know that if he texted Izzy or Jace, they would only look at him with their sympathy and pity and say stuff that Alec probably already know. Simon would be the only one that left Alec to his own thoughts and be fine with whatever Alec wanted to do to distract himself. Clary would……just force Alec to see reason and probably do something, which Alec was just nowhere ready to do or think about.

  
Somehow, Alec fell asleep on the couch until the doorbell rang. In his half-awake state, his mind almost thought it was Magnus coming back. Just one more moment, Alec knew Magnus would not return so soon and stood up to open the door. It was Simon, holding a few bags. From the smell and shape of the bags, Alec could guess that there were dvds and take-outs. Sometimes, he thanked the gods that Clary ended up dating Jace, just so Simon would be in their friend group as well.

  
‘So Chinese take-out? I don’t know what you would want to watch, since you never seem to be into movies, but I did bring Star Wars and A Game of Thrones, just in case?’ Simon held up the bags awkwardly.

  
‘Thanks, Simon. You’re the sanest among them.’ Alec stepped away, allowing Simon to follow him through into the apartment.

  
‘Wow never thought such thing would come from you, Alec.’ Simon laughed lightly.

  
‘So you wanna watch some galactic battles or hand-to-hand battles? Or you wanna eat first?’ Simon sat down the bags on the coffee table and made himself comfortable on the couch, while Alec went to take some coke out for the two of them.

  
‘GoT, I ate this morning. Hand me the take-out, I will put them in the fridge first.’ Alec said, standing behind the couch, next to the fridge. Simon handed him the take-out bag swiftly then turned back to the tv to set up the dvd player. As Alec returned on the couch, holding out a bottle of coke for Simon, the two then settled into a comfortable silence watching the newest season of GoT.  
  
Yet it was only a matter of time before Alec’s mind would betray him and went back to thinking about Magnus. Looking at all the amazing costumes on screen, Alec couldn’t help but think of what Magnus would have to say about all those costumes and whether they fit the actors and actresses or not, how they fit into the storytelling of the series, how it matches the character’s personality and circumstances or not. So as they were watching the fate of Margaery Tyrell unfold before them, Alec spoke. ‘I wonder what Magnus would say about this, he has always loved her dresses and accessories.’

  
‘Yeah’ imagine his face when he sees this scene, I’m pretty sure glitter would fly everywhere in the house with his shock.’ Simon laughed before he spotted the grimace on Alec’s face. It took Simon a few seconds to ask the following question.

  
‘Umm…Are you and Magnus okay? Do you, maybe, want to talk about it? I mean, that is if you don’t mind that it is me and not Izzy or Jace…’

  
‘Simon, I texted you, not Izzy or Jace or Clary, so of course I won’t mind that it is you. About Magnus though, I kinda wanna talk about it, but also DON’T wanna talk about it? Let’s just finish the episode before we go to the talking part.’ Alec sighed and looked at Simon for a moment.

  
Soon the episode was done and Simon looked at Alec expectedly, while Alec was still staring at the blank tv screen. After another beat of silence, Simon stood up to get the takeout out of the fridge. As he took the dishes out of the microwave, Alec finally spoke.

  
‘He was hurting so badly from Camille’s breaking up with him and I couldn’t bear to see it another day. He was drunk, again, last night. So I took him to bed and…He asked of someone to hold him and cuddle with him, so I did. We woke up this morning and he just…got angry with me for caring for him, taking care of him. Then he just slipped away while I was taking a shower. Honestly though, I kind of expected that anyway. I just feel……numb. It’s like, well I guess it kind of is as well, that I have done everything I could to make him feel better, and god I love him. I love him so damn much, but there is nothing else I can do now. It hurts so bad to know that there is nothing I can do for him. I don’t even know if he still wanna come back to this apartment now. Maybe it is my turn to try drinking into oblivion?’ Alec still sounded more like he was talking to the tv, instead of Simon.

  
Simon settled all the take-out on the coffee table and sat on the floor, facing Alec who was sitting on the couch.

  
‘Did you tell him that you love him?’ Simon asked.

  
‘Yeah I told him and begged him to at least eat something before heading out…Now I don’t even know when is he gonna come back…’

  
‘Then do you know where he had gone?’

  
‘Yeah he left me a note saying that he was heading for Ragnor’s…’ Alec took out the piece of paper that he had kept so carefully in his pocket and handed it to Simon.

  
‘Okay honestly? Alec, you know I suck at these kind of things, so don’t hit me if I say something stupid. Maybe Magnus had been treated so badly by Camille for quite a while that he did not know how to react to your kind gestures? I’m sure he’ll come back around at some point, I mean who would Magnus be without all his fashionable and sparkly clothes, right?’  
‘He hasn’t worn anything but black ever since Camille broke up with him.’ Alec replied stoically.

 

‘Hmm…alright then. Still, it makes sense that Magnus would need some time to process what you just told him, isn’t it? He’ll come around, he just needs some time…’

  
‘Maybe you are right, but I just…I don’t even know what I am feeling now! God it hurts so bad to see him wasting so much time mourning over Camille when that fuck-head practically cheated on Magnus. It was just bad when I had to see him crying after whatever fiasco Camille threw at him back when they were dating? I just don’t get how he could still think so little of himself. He was the one that made me feel okay to be gay. He was the one who told me it was okay to not come out to my parents, if I didn’t feel like so. He makes me feel like I could like myself.’ By then Alec could not bear sitting down and started to pace in front of Simon.

  
‘He is the reason Max has doubled his visits here, not just because of Jace, Izzy and I, it’s for Magnus as well. He treats Max as an adult like none of us would. Izzy has been so damn happy and excited to have another friend to discuss all the fashion and someone to join forces with her to force me into wearing more “fashionable” clothes. He has given so much to me and the ones that I love. He fucking stood up for Izzy and I when my parents were visiting last year. He didn’t HAVE to! We weren’t even exactly friends back then! I don’t care if he wants to use me just as a rebound or whatever, I just want to help him. I just want to see him feel better for himself. Is that too much to ask for? Probably is, or else he wouldn’t have bolted away from me this morning……I just don’t know how the fuck could he belittle himself so damn much when he’s like the sparkling star in the night sky for all of us here.’

  
By the end of Alec’s rant, he had slumped down beside the couch. Simon could see the rimmed eyes and he just panicked. He stood up to find some tissue around the apartment.  
‘Ugh…..okay okay, let me grab you some tissue…Wait where do you put the tissues? Don’t you guys put some in the sitting room? What if someone cry while watching tv? Or should I get you a towel? I mean, it hurts less with the eyes? I really don’t know…’ Simon just went in circle in the living room, which made Alec crack a smile, even though tears were dripping from his eyes.  
‘What the fuck?! Raphael! When have you been lurking here?’ Simon outright squeaked and jumped as the figure walked into the sitting room.

  
‘Well some idiot forgot to lock the door after you and as Magnus’ “hardly friend” and your boyfriend, I decided to help lock up the door and see what you two idiots are up to anyway. Who knew I would end up hearing such a heartfelt confession that wasn’t meant for the present audience.’

  
‘RAPHAEL!’ Simon shouted and seemed to want to say more, but Alec caught ahead of him.

  
‘What do you mean not for the present audience? I am here, confessing to Simon what had happened earlier, who else is meant to hear that?’ Alec asked. He seemed more composed of his emotions ever since Raphael had announced his presence.

  
‘Sometime you can be so oblivious, Lightwood. All those things that you have just told Simon? It’s Magnus who needed to hear it. It’s Magnus that you need to persuade that he deserves the love that you’d give him so willingly. I’ve known Magnus for years and I couldn’t figure out how he could see himself like that sometimes. That guy freaking saved my life but still couldn’t believe that he deserves someone to love him. So Lightwood, if you do love him as much as you just claim, wait on him and tell him everything you feel.’ Raphael said sternly to Alec.  
‘But he went away? I don’t even know when will he come back here, Raphael.’ Alec whispered.

  
‘Well you are lucky that I am here. And I can tell you that knowing Ragnor? He’d only let Magnus sulk at his place for less than a day and he’d tell him to come back. As his friends, we know when to shove him back to his senses. One more thing, as eloquent as Magnus usually is, he needs some time to figure out what to say when it comes to his poor self-esteem, so listen to what he has to say first when he comes back. No matter how you two fought, he cares about you beyond he wanted to admit. Even before Camille broke up with him.’

  
It was not often, or maybe never, that Alec would gaze into Raphael’s eyes and see sincerity.

  
Staring at Alec for only one moment too long, Raphael turned around to the kitchen counter. Only then did Simon and Alec noticed the few plastic bags Raphael had with him. They shared a glance before Simon stuttered out the question.

  
‘Hmm Raphael why did you bring groceries here? I mean, we already have take-out. I mean, I told you I was getting take-out before I headed for Alec this morning, right?’

  
‘Dios. I’m cooking for Magnus, not you two idiots. I was gonna be a dutiful friend of Magnus and cook him some dishes from home AND THEN drag his sorry mind away from that Camille bitch. Since our delightful little friend had helped me finish the latter part, I will just focus on the cooking.’ Raphael answered without turning his head back to the two.

  
Simon shrugged after Raphael’s answer and the two reheated the take-out food and went on to watch HTGAM. Raphael silently joined them at some point, so Alec figured he’d probably finished cooking and saved the food in the fridge for Magnus.

  
Alec had no idea how his day would turn into chilling with Simon with tv shows and take-out food, while said friend’s boyfriend would be cooking in his kitchen or doing something in the background. It almost felt like a normal day where Magnus and his friends would just come over and chill, if only Magnus was here with them.

  
Soon enough, the sky got darker outside and Raphael finally stood up from the couch.

  
‘Alright, it’s time for me to drag my boyfriend for dinner, seeing that we lost a whole day here already.’ Raphael said, but Alec could see no real heat behind his words.

  
‘RAPHAEL! Ugh Alec, he doesn’t mean it, he’d die before he ever admit he cares about you as well. Good luck with Magnus.’ Simon said in a rush, as Raphael was practically dragging him to the threshold.  
  
“One last thing, lover boy. Just wait until Magnus comes back, stop whatever stupid ideas running in your head. And if somehow, one day, you are the one who cause him any pain, I will come hunting for you and I won’t be alone, understood?’ Raphael whispered to Alec, while Simon was busy tying his shoelaces. Alec nodded. Simon joined hands with Raphael and the two went on their way, leaving Alec alone in the apartment with his thoughts.

 

 

Back at Ragnor’s place, Magnus had made himself two pots of tea and finished them while he was randomly sketching. It wasn’t until he was filling colours onto his sketches that his mind began to actually process what Ragnor said to him and reviewed upon what Alec had confessed that morning. The weight of thinking that he was not worthy was still there in his mind, but at least he could clearly say that it was not all from Camille dumping him. His mind was willing to admit that it was not Camille that he could not get over, it was how he was not enough for someone once again. Even though he could acknowledge Camille was just insane and playing with his mind, she did succeed in making him feel like he would never be enough for someone.  
Ragnor was right that Alec’s confession had at least kicked his mind out of the ‘Camille’ pit, yet it also threw Magnus further down in the pit of ‘I am not worth it’. He thought back on the last month. Despite his constant drunken state, he knew Alec was the one to clean out the empty bottles every time. He knew Alec was the one to do the laundry for both of them so that Magnus actually had clean comfy clothes to change into, once he felt like doing so. He knew Alec made sure there would be leftovers in the fridge, so that whenever he felt hungry he never needed to get out of the house. He knew who put a blanket on him every time he fell asleep on the couch after another round of whiskey. He knew when he woke up this morning, it was the best he had ever felt in years. Alec’s warmth surrounded him and for once in his life, Magnus actually felt safe and secure. And it scared him. No matter how much he craved that warmth and security, he knew he didn’t deserve it. He knew he got mad because he wanted to push Alec away, so to make him see that such a wreck like Magnus would never be worthwhile of his time and efforts.  
He sighed as he finished colouring on the sketch. Staring at it, it was a portrayal of Alec eating breakfast in their apartment, laughing at something. Magnus saw all the shades of yellow and orange he had put around Alec’s figure. That boy had become the cause of so many brighter parts of Magnus’ life in less than two years and how Magnus wished there was a way to show the boy exactly how much he appreciated his existence in every way. After making the final touch with the sketch, Magnus finally picked up his neglected phone for the better half of the day. A few messages were waiting for him, as well as a few missed calls. He checked them slowly. The newest one was from Ragnor, reminding him that he needed to leave his place before he came back. The next was from Raphael, hinting very cryptically that there was something in Magnus’ fridge. Another one from Izzy, asking if Magnus was alright and if he would like to go shopping with her. The very last one was from Alexander, only saying that ‘I’ll be waiting for you at home.’

  
Staring at the text, Magnus sighed again. Looking up to the huge glass window at Ragnor’s, it was already sunset. The shades of red, yellow and orange that poured through looked similar enough to the shades Magnus had drawn around Alec in the sketch. Somehow, this complimenting view gave Magnus the determination to head home and face Alec. He was not sure what he would say or should say, but staying any longer at Ragnor’s was not going to help him anymore.

Alec was just contemplating if he should he cook dinner just for himself or include Magnus as well when he heard noises from the threshold. He poked his head out to the hallway before he realized that it would either be Magnus coming back or just another annoying friend of his coming to see if he was alright, then he just turned back to staring at the kitchen counter. He could hear keys clinking, then shoes being dropped off on the floor and footsteps drawing closer to the open kitchen. Less than a minute later, Alec’s most familiar greeting was heard.  
‘Hey Alexander.’ Magnus whispered, standing at the other side of the kitchen counter.

  
‘Hey Magnus.’ Alec replied. The two of them stared at each other, both unsure of what to say to each other. One moment later, Alec scratched his back and said. ‘Hmm…Raphael cooked something for you, do you want me to reheat it for dinner? I was just gonna start cooking? Or have you had dinner already? It’s still…kinda early……’ He knew he was half-rambling, but he honestly had no idea what to say and the tension was just too thick in the air.

  
‘It’s alright, I will cook dinner for both of us. Raphael probably brought an Indonesian dish over and it’d just be better if I handle that.’ Magnus gave him a small smile and gently shoved Alec further from the stove.

  
‘Hmm…right. I’ll just…..’ Alec still stood nearby, feeling kind of awkward.

  
‘Don’t worry, I am not gonna leave again. And umm…I guess we do need a talk, but maybe after dinner?’ Magnus asked. Alec nodded and finally walked out of the so-called kitchen area. Seeing that he had nothing better to do while waiting for Magnus to cook dinner, he went back to the novel he had been reading since Simon and Raphael left. Alec flopped back on the couch and picked back up the book.

  
Soon enough, delicious smells spread around the room and stirred Alec out of his book-induced world. He carefully slipped the bookmark into the book and put it down on the coffee table. Then he walked up to stand close by the counter.

  
‘Need help to set the table?’ Alec asked, as Magnus was pouring the unknown dish onto the plate.

  
‘Sure, Alexander.’ Magnus, again, answered without turning his gaze back on Alec. Still, the two times Magnus had called him Alexander sent him a wave of assurance that somehow they would be alright. It settled a certain level of contentment into Alec, that Magnus would still be willing to talk to him. Similar to what happened with breakfast the very same morning, they ate in silence. However, it felt different as well. The tension remained, but it was the kind that they were both waiting for the meal to end to see what would happen. They worked in perfect coordination with each other to clean up the dishes and the table. Then they both settled down on the couch, with Alec holding a beer and Magnus holding wine glass. Just as they both sat comfortably and took a sip of their beverages, Magnus spoke first.

  
‘Look, Alec. I’m…… sorry for arguing and bolting this morning. I just really couldn’t take in the fact that you…of all people would still be there…I know…that you’ve been taking care of me ever since Camille broke up with me. I knew it’s you who cleaned up the bottles, did all the laundry and probably more, while I was just drinking and locking myself up literally. I just…I'm in a horrible state, Alec. I mean, even if I could wake up tomorrow morning without a hangover and maybe start going out or planning for my next semester, I am just not in a good place. I can’t…give you anything, no matter how you feel about me. Not even as a friend, or a roommate, you know better than anyone how bad of a friend I had been since I got together with Camille. Missing Izzy’s shopping trips, not coming back for dinner, less alone cooking for you and your siblings during the weekends, filled the apartment with alcohol and dirty laundry for weeks. To be honest, I just don’t even know what to do, or what to feel about myself. I…am just a total wreck, Alexander.’ Magnus gulped down all the remaining alcohol in his wine glass and went on to stare at the floor, tears swelling once more in his eyes. 

  
‘Magnus…please look at me.’ Alec said softly, hands leaned closer to Magnus’ face, though not close enough to actually touch his cheek. It took Magnus another moment to breath before he looked up a bit. Alec’s fingers barely touched Magnus’ chin and he looked at Magnus, eyes taking in every inch of his face before he started to speak.

  
‘You're never and will never be a wreck, Magnus Bane. I know I haven’t known you for as long as Ragnor or Catarina, but you've been the best roommate and friend I could ever ask for. You are nice and kind to Jace and Izzy even when you and I weren’t exactly friends. Do you know how happy Izzy has been, ever since you could be her shopping buddy. It’s not just because someone would help her carry the bags and give her fashion advices, it’s because she found a friend in you. She could confide in you things that she might not even tell me or Jace. You have treated Max as an equal like none of us would have and every time you praise him or laugh at his joke, that smile on Max’s face had been so rarely seen. Even before Camille came along, you did great in classes and everything, or else how would I, an English major, heard about your reputation in MY department? Besides, as an English major, I can guarantee you that muse doesn’t come all the time. Even if you think you can’t draw or design as good as before, but that’s just gonna be a matter of time. Besides, don’t experiences enrich your inspirations somehow? Magnus, you’re gonna be better than fine. And I…I fell in love with you, just the way you are. Like I said last night, I’d do anything to make you feel better, even if you just needed me for a rebound or whatever. Because, you are worth it and this is my decision to make, not yours.’

  
‘That’s the thing, Alexander. Even if you could persuade me that I’m worthwhile, you don’t deserve to be just a rebound for me. You deserve someone to properly fall in love with you. I don’t wanna be with you just because you are the one who said and did everything I ever dreamt of when I am at my lowest moment. I don’t wanna be with you just because you are the one that’s there for me. You deserve someone who would see you and you alone even from miles afar. You deserve someone to catch you whenever you fall, whenever you feel bad because of your parents’ disapproval, whenever you thought your essays aren’t good enough. And I can’t promise you that, Alexander. I don’t even know when I would feel better myself. I can’t promise that I could be strong enough to be there for you, no matter how much I care about you. I……Ragnor and Catarina had teased me that if only Camille came a little later into the scene, I’d have jumped you sooner or later. I laughed at them, but I do have feelings for you. Maybe even more than just a friend, but then I am in no state to say that I fell in love with you the same way you do with me. I don’t wanna hurt you, Alec, but I can’t give you anything as well. And if I learnt anything from my time with Camille, it’s that I can’t force myself to be better, just because I want to love you as well.’ Magnus answered with determination in his eyes. He knew he was still a mess but he would do everything he could to give an honest answer to Alec.

  
Hearing this, Alec shifted his hands to hold Magnus’ arms, seeing that Magnus did not flinch away or resist him in any way.

  
‘When I said I’m in love with you, I don’t mean I want to start a relationship with you right away, Magnus. I could wait. I said it last night because I needed you to let me help you. I just wanna be there for you, that simple. Besides, even if you can’t be there for me when I will need you, I can handle myself. Just as now you are willing to take your time to settle whatever is in your mind, I would do the same when it’s my turn to get into trouble. It won’t be your job or anyone’s to pick me up. I am in love with you, not because I need you around when I’m weak, but because I would love to share my life with you. Also, you have already been there for me when my parents were refusing to deal with the fact that I am gay. You stood up for me when they first came for dinner. You spoke up when mum slut-shamed Izzy. Everything that you claim I deserve, Magnus, you have already given me even when we were just roommates. It was you that made me feel alright to be gay, no matter how disappointed my parents are with me. It was you that inspired me to be comfortable in my own skin. I know there’s still a lot to sort out in your mind, and between us, but…if you would just let me hold you whenever you need…’

  
Hearing Alec’s words, Magnus did not realize when he had tears rolling down his cheeks. It was not until Alec finished speaking that he noticed he had leaned closer to him. Alec leaned back on the couch so that he could let Magnus lay his head on Alec’s chest. Alec wrapped Magnus around with his right hand, while using his left hand to gently pat on Magnus’ head. The two stayed like that for a while before Magnus finally looked up to Alec, cracking a smile even if there was still traces of tears on his face.

  
‘I will let you do this, only if you promise me one thing.’ Magnus said.

  
‘Name it.’

  
‘Whenever you feel I am too much to handle and need someone by your side when I can’t, you promise to tell me right away and call on Izzy or Jace or anyone else. I can’t tear you down with me and I don’t ever want to be your responsibility or obligation. You can only be there for me because you really want to and feel like doing so.’

  
‘So you ARE letting me do this? You ARE letting me be there for you?’ Alec asked, a little shocked that Magnus would come around so soon.

  
‘Well, regardless of how horrible my friends are, they did master the skills to shove me back into some senses quite brilliantly. Besides, after what Raphael wrote on top of the dish he made……It would be hypocritical of me not to listen to him…So yeah’ Alexander, I’d let you be there for me, if you agree to what I just asked of you.’

  
‘Yes, Magnus. I promise I will let you know whenever I feel like it’s too much and need Izzy or Jace around. Deal?’ Alec smiled, staring into Magnus’ eyes with sincerity and seriousness. Magnus nodded, unable to reply verbally as a yawn got the better of him. Though nothing really changed with how he perceived himself, he felt lighter than ever. Having Alec around him tended to lure him into thinking that he was secure and safe somehow and he intended to stay there for as long as he could.

  
‘Now I’m curious, what exactly did Raphael wrote about? Also, do you need me to carry you to bed? Seems to me you’re gonna pass out right on top of me.’

Finally feeling they were going to be alright, Alec tried to lighten the mood by teasing Magnus a little. Magnus sat back up from Alec. It took a moment for Magnus to turn back to face Alec, but Alec panicked for a moment that Magnus would bolt away again anyhow. Thankfully, Magnus only turned back to him and grinned.

  
‘No, I’m gonna return the favour and carry YOU to bed.’ Before he finished the sentence, he sneaked one hand over Alec’s shoulder and the other slipped under his thighs and swooped the guy upon his very own arms. Magnus’ hands briefly shook from holding all of Alec’s weight but he did not waver much until he rolled Alec down to his own bed. Alec was basically too shocked to make any coherent respond while he was being carried. Magnus smiled to him once more before turning away, yet Alec managed to catch his wrist, keeping Magnus from getting any further.

  
‘Then will you return the other favour as well? Sleep with me tonight? I know we should probably talk over where the line now lies between us, but…I just wanna have you close by, even if just tonight.’ Alec whispered, slightly afraid that he was pushing the boundary with Magnus. Yet he needed Magnus to be around, to be assured that this was allowed, Alec Lightwood could stay beside Magnus.

  
Again, Magnus was frozen by Alec’s words. Alec’s desire to keep him close had touched his heart, never did he ever realize that his presence would be, could be so desired by another person, even when he was still in broken pieces. His gaze froze upon Alec’s eyes.

  
Alec took his lack of response as rejection and was just gonna open his mouth to render the situation. For a second time that night, Magnus was one step ahead of him, he leaned down and pressed a light kiss on Alec’s forehead.

  
‘You never cease to amaze me, Alexander. Just let me change into my pyjamas and brush my teeth, I will come back, is that alright?’ It was Alec’s turn to nod and let go of Magnus’ wrist.  
Seeing Magnus walked out of the room, Alec stood up from his bed to change into pyjamas as well and went out to tidy up the wine glass and beer bottle they had left in the sitting room earlier. Staring at the two containers, Alec could not fathom how he would have Magnus in his bed again just within twenty-four hours. He knew they still had a lot to sort out, but he was content to know that however hard it was gonna be, Magnus was not gonna be alone.

  
Magnus went back to his room and picked out his pyjamas. Walking into the bathroom, he rinsed his mouth then went on to brush his teeth. The familiar routine gave him space to clear through his mind as well. The weight still present in the back of his mind, but he felt much more calm and content than before. He was still afraid that once he told Alec about his past, he’d lose him anyhow, but he had decided that Alec was worth the risk.

  
Heading back into Alec’s room, Magnus gently slipped into the bed. Alec did not hesitate to wrap his arms around Magnus and held tight.

  
‘Good night, Magnus.’ Alec whispered.

  
‘Sleep tight, Alexander.’ Magnus smiled, curling closer to Alec.

Soon enough, both of them drifted to a dreamless sleep, safe in each other’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> FIRST, CREDIT TO MY AMAZING BETA @yourozness on Tumblr! She's been the most amazing beta and I could NOT have done this without! Her every response with my updates on the fic motivated me to keep writing and made me laugh so hard and it's just a joy to have her as my beta! THANKS, amazing cinnamon roll! 
> 
> And hmm...if any of you wanna read more on this fic, leave a comment. I might or might not be working on some scenes afterwards. :) Also, just thank you for reading through it.


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